Saying goodbye is hard...

Saying goodbye is hard...especially when you didnt realize how much you loved the person your saying goodbye too.

I finally left the oasis after a month and half working in the hostel at the bottom of a canyon. I worked with Pablo for most of that time and over the past month, he has helped me with many life lessons of learning how to live my life, open my heart to love, and take things slowly. We had a lot of time to talk about each others stories and experiences. I could laugh, joke, and have fun with him without having any attraction for him, and he quickly became someone i could talk to and trust.

Last friday, we finally hiked up out of the canyon, and got the night bus to Arequipa to spend a few days in the city. I was so excited for civilization, and a pedicure. My feet were so dirty. It was impossible for me to stay clean in the oasis.

I spent time with his family and friends and they all thought i was his girlfriend. Which made me a little uncomfortable until he explained to them, im only a friend. We kept spending time together and went to a futbol game, and went to the cinema and i saw a movie for the first time in months.(Ironman 2, it was good, cant wait to see it in english to really know what was going on.) His family asked him why he is spending so much time with me if im only a friend. And he replyed that because he respects me, and i helped him so much, not just by working in the oasis, but with his own lifes questions.

At this point, i really had no idea what im going to do from here. Whether ill continue on my travels, where i would go, or when or if i will even return to the Oasis. We agreed that from here on out, i needed to continue living my life and cant stay in the canyon just because he needs the help. I need to do what i need to do for myself. So Tuesday morning, before Pablo was to leave to catch his 11am bus, i thought that this would be the last time i might see him, and would have to say goodbye.

I didnt realize, but for the past month i had a great friend, and to even think about saying goodbye made me cry. So even at the breakfast table that morning, i had tears in my eyes. Then when the time came for him to leave, we hugged, thanked each other for all the help, and i couldnt stop crying. I couldnt believe how hard it was to say goodbye.

Pablo is a busy guy, and had to go met someone before leaving to catch his bus. After he left, i sat down on my bed, cried a little more. and realized. I needed to continue my life. So i thought about the things i needed to do, and decided alright, first i need to get ready. I payed attention to the clock, and watched as it got closer to 11am, and then passed 11 for his bus would have left. His stuff was still in the living room, he hadnt come back from his meeting. I decided to walk down the street to the internet store, and told Pablo´s friend that i was leaving.

I sat on the computer talking to about 6 people on facebook chat. All good friends from back home wondering when im coming back. I started talking to a good friend and told him about how i was sad to say good bye to my friend, and started crying again at the computer. Its a little difficult to talk to so many people and sound happy when im crying in my chair.

About 30 minutes later, all of a sudden Pablo is standing before my computer with me having tears all down my face. I was so releived to see him, that i cried more. haha...I dont know why i was so emotional yesterday. He asked if i was hungry, and i quickly closed out my computer, and met him outside. I hugged him again, and kept crying.

We went to eat, and i finally calmed down. Although, all the women in the restaurant looked at me sadly. Pablo told me he missed his bus, because of some business problems, and had to wait until Wed to get the next bus. So i have one more day to spend with him!!! With Pablo, his plans change all the time because of other people, its ¨Peru, nothing is set. So we spent the rest of the day just hanging out and having fun.

I decided that i needed a break and didnt want to go anywhere for a while. So im going to stay in the apartment, and meet up with some friends i have met here in Arequipa. Some people i met in Pisco at the volunteer place are coming here by the weekend and i might travel on with them to Puno and Lake Ititicaca. And from there, ill decide where to go next. But Pablo plans to be back in town by friday night, so plan to meet up again on friday, and that might be the last time i will see him.

So today, after lunch, Pablo, and his friend left the apartment to catch the 2pm bus back to Cabanaconde. And i continued on with what i needed to do. It was so much easier to say goodbye today, with knowing, that hopefuly i can see him again on Friday. And if not, it was a fun last day we spent together.

I dont know where my travels will lead me next, and if i can come back to the canyon one last time before i officially go home to the states, i would love to spend some more time there. If it doesnt work out, I have the invite to come back anytime in the future. And in Pablos words, im to bring my children. Ok...when that days comes is another story.

No more tears! Life continues.